Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Different perspective.....

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
---Maya Angelou
It's been a rough few weeks and when I say rough, I mean it. Yet, i'm really tired of this crappy feeling that I have every morning and night..... so I'm going to try a new thing here for me. Instead of telling you all about the CRAP that has happened (which I'm sure a blog may come soon about that too :-) I'm going to stop myself, and look at all the positives I'm learned in the last few weeks......
I have four amazing children.
Dealing with the end of first grade and the end of spring soccer season, I learned that Zak is functioning above a second grade level and that his soccer coaches want to keep seeing him play soccer because he is talented. My biggest boy is intelligent, athletic, kind, caring, and sensitive to others. I watched him MAKE a card for his youngest brothers birthday and put his own hard earned money in it. He GAVE Zane his quarters he's been saving. He's amazing.
I have been watching Izeah and his devilish ways. He's four with big attitude (that should sum up that rough time!) Yet, I watched him learn how to buckle his own seat belt. I've learned that he doesn't need a nap anymore, that he is fully capable of being a big boy and staying up during the day so that he gets a better nights sleep. I watched him sit indian style across from me last night as he waited patiently while I assembled a new toy for him to play with. I've learned he can be patient, he loves his brothers, loves to giggle when eating a cupcake, and can be taught many new things. He's amazing.
Zane's getting bigger. I've learned that my baby isn't really a baby anymore. He is becoming more independent and self motivated. He knows what he likes and doesn't like, he has even learned how to use NO effectively :-) He likes to get in and out of the car by himself now. He likes to help mom do the laundry. He likes to kiss me in the morning first thing with out me even asking anymore. I've learned the art of letting go. He's amazing.
I watched how camp can change a little girl. I've seen kayla more alive and talkative when you remove the pressures of being a kid and just give them fun stuff to do. I got to feel a new bond with Kayla for a minute too. I got to feel her put my hand in mine as we walked up the stairs at camp. I learned it felt good and it wasn't unnatural or uncomfortable. It felt like one of my children holding my hands :-) She's amazing.
Things break.
I've learned it's not the end of the world. My dryer broke (watch for a blog about my own personal story of stuff :-) yet I learned that I can hang dry my clothes. I even learned how to anchor the clothes line to withstand 60 mile per hour wind gusts. I am capable. I figured out why my air conditioning wasn't working. I stuck my head up in the cob webs and stuck my hand in a place where I feared spiders would attack me :-) I am smart, capable, and conquered a few fears along the way. I also learned that you don't NEED air conditioning :-) I've been sweating quite a bit lately in part to the before mentioned problem and in part to my stubbornness of not wanting to turn it on. I've learned to live without :-)
There are good friends in this world.
I watched John take his his only day off in a few weeks and dedicate it to his friends wedding. I've had a friend offer me a dryer for free, and he has a truck :-) I got to take time to talk to a friend who I've been distant from for awhile on a gorgeous saturday night, outside on a table, drinking a few beers. It feels great to have friends that have been there and to know by watching others that some of these friends stay around for a long time :-) I had friends take time out of their busy day to come to a birthday party. I know their lives are busy but I know that they love me and I learned how much I love them all over again. I've learned that some freinds who you can only talk to by phone, are there when I'm sitting at home by myself. They gave up movie time to have great conversation with me :-) There are amazing friends in this world.
I've started working again.
I don't know how I went from not working to working 5 days a week again but it happened. Yet I've even learned a few things there too :-) I've learned I can be valuable to people. When I go to an office and fill in on phones, I'm helping people who would have had a much worse day if I hadn't been available. I've learned that I can have a fun camp name too :-) I've also realized again that my family is more important. I'm not going to quit working BUT I'm learning that line again and it's good to know that I still can say NO. I love my family and no job is going to get in the way. I've learned I'm blessed to have this option and most people don't.
There are tiny miracles everywhere we look.
My friend had a baby. A baby that was born premature with a genetic disorder. A baby that would die. Yet when he was born, too early to stay alive, he did for four hours. Long enough for dad to hold him, for mom to hold him, to open his eyes and see the world. He also got to leave this world in his mother's loving arms. Little miracles. I learned through this to hug my kids more, every chance I get.
There are very unselfish people in this world.
When I think of the ages twenty through twenty five, sometimes I think of selfishness, drinking, partying, and me time. Yet I've met numerous kids in the last few weeks that are very unselfish. Who have dedicated their entire summer to helping and teaching children. Who have flown from over seas, to get paid very little for what they do. I think that is amazing.
I love you.
John, I know I'm not the happiest person about the last few weeks but I've learned a few things here too. I'm amazed by your dedication. You have dedicated most of your time to your job and some times I forget that I'm getting to watch how dedicated you can be. I know you are just as dedicated to me and our family and I'm blessed that I met someone who can put that much into something. I've learned that you go above and beyond what is expected of you. Because you care. You care that children have a good time away from the busy world. You care that kids get to learn about being outdoors and how to bond with other children. I know that you will always go above and beyond for me as well. I've learned that I'm sad when you're not here. That's sometimes bad but also is good. What kind of love is it if I were happy about you not being here? I'm glad I feel that sadness because I truely know I love you. I'm sure we will have more disagreements but keep in mind that I still am learning and realizing the positives of you and me. :-)
Now I do feel a little better. That was kind of rough. There were quite a few times I started to ramble on about bad things and I definintly had to hit the backspace key a few times. :-) Yet, it feels great to reread all of that and know that there have definintly been a lot of positives and happiness out of the last few weeks to counter all the crap :-)


A Twinkling In Time said...

Dana I'm sending you much love and big {{{HUGS}}}. I wish I could be there to help you and John out at camp and to hang out with the little ones.
I'm only a phone call away if you need me...

ChiTown Girl said...

Doesn't it feel great to get all that off your chest? You obviously know I've discovered the therapeutic value of blogging myself last month, and I'm glad it can help you, too. I hope things turn a corner for you soon. I'm sending you positive thoughts and many, many {{{hugs}}}!

Anonymous said...

And LIFE goes on dear! I learn new things everyday and keep going on, even at my age. Sometimes I wonder why but I know there is reason why He has kept me here on this earth. You are amazing with your everyday endeavors. I'm sure holding Kayla's hand was a joy, being the only girl in your family. She is a very sweet and loving little girl. Lot of John in her. And the boys, they are wonderful. Never let your time fade from them as they are your LIFE. John is good for you and the boys and I know he cares deeply for all of you. I love you always!!!