Thursday, December 31, 2009

The New Year

(picture by John Lang)

2009 was a great and challenging year here.... Still trying to figure out what or who I am, who I am with my new husband, and what path my family will be traveling down.... but I am ready to embrace 2010.

In the coming year, I'll be turning 30, my boys will ALL be out of daycare, family vacations will be had, and our lives will keep progressing towards our goals we are still carving into stone....

But I'm not making any resolutions.

I'm not going to promise to myself to quit smoking, diet more, raise my children better, or any other such nonsense that if I don't succeed in, will lead to dissappointment.

Instead, I want to embrace all of my thoughts for the past year and how they relate to the year ahead...

I stumbled upon this writing and I think it defines my thoughts, goals, desires, and needs perfectly....

Enjoy, and I hope you find some meaning in it as well...

Happy New Year everyone :)

(I have taken this from another website and edited it, if you want to read the whole thing, click on the title)

"The Awakening
Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH!" And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.

..........This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You realize that much of who you are and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about :

- how you should look and how much you should weigh
- what you should wear and where you should shop
- where you should live or what type of car you should drive
- who you should sleep with and how you should behave
- who you should marry and why you should stay
- the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect ,and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer, hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. And you recognize the importance of creating and contributing rather than obtaining and accumulating.

Then you discover that it is truly in giving that we receive, and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving.

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships.

And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through... and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns - anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say "I was wrong" and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture.

And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace.

Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say no. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships, and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given.

And you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet your standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely and you begin to discover the joy of spending time with yourself and on yourself. Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know - Self Love.

So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. And so it comes to pass that, now, all new things are possible."


ChiTown Girl said...

This was beautiful. I clicked over to read the full version. Thank you for sharing this.

Have a wonderful New Year with John and the gang. I hope 2010 brings you your heart's desire! Love you, Girlfriend!

ButterflysDance said...

Very thoughtful reading girlie!