Reflections...

• My dad called today to tell me that my grandma is going to leave this earth soon. She is 90 years old and she has severe dementia. I do believe she is ready to go....

• Last week was Ryan's birthday and what would have been our 3rd wedding anniversary. We took flowers to the grave and all of us sent our love to where ever he may be.

• I've been rather quiet in blogland here lately. I suppose you could say that I've been in a reflective sort of mood. My thoughts of Ryan have been more present then usual. This time of year can be a rough emotional roller coaster ride for me. Now I have another set of memories that are floating around in my head of my grandma.

• At times it really gets to me but I'm learning to take it differently as each year goes by....

• I look back at pictures of myself as a child and think about how many years have passed by...

(anyone still wondering where Zane gets his red hair from??)

• I also think it's amazing how our lives function in circles...

• (Same grandma but with my own child, Zakari, this time.)

• It really puts into perspective all the events that have transpired in my past. How many times I've seen birth, given birth, and how many times I have and will have to say good bye to people I've loved.
• It broadens my awareness of everything and everyone that I have in my heart. All the love I have for my family and my friends. I only hope that I've shown them how much I love them and how much they mean to me....
• My family is more important to me then anything in this world. I want to watch them grow up and be there for them in everything they do. I hope I can be there for them in their times of distress and need.

My mom :)

My dad :)

My brother :) (and Emma too!)

And especially my own family.

My children and John...

With every ounce of my being I love all of you.

I'm learning now to enjoy these times of reflection. They help me to understand how blessed I am to have all of you in my life. It's not called "grief" to me any more but awareness. I look to these memories with the hope that they will continually remind me of this love. I suppose that if it weren't for death.... how would we understand life?

Love and hugs to all :-)