Reflections...

• My dad called today to tell me that my grandma is going to leave this earth soon. She is 90 years old and she has severe dementia. I do believe she is ready to go....

• Last week was Ryan's birthday and what would have been our 3rd wedding anniversary. We took flowers to the grave and all of us sent our love to where ever he may be.

• I've been rather quiet in blogland here lately. I suppose you could say that I've been in a reflective sort of mood. My thoughts of Ryan have been more present then usual. This time of year can be a rough emotional roller coaster ride for me. Now I have another set of memories that are floating around in my head of my grandma.

• At times it really gets to me but I'm learning to take it differently as each year goes by....

• I look back at pictures of myself as a child and think about how many years have passed by...

(anyone still wondering where Zane gets his red hair from??)

• I also think it's amazing how our lives function in circles...

• (Same grandma but with my own child, Zakari, this time.)

• It really puts into perspective all the events that have transpired in my past. How many times I've seen birth, given birth, and how many times I have and will have to say good bye to people I've loved.
• It broadens my awareness of everything and everyone that I have in my heart. All the love I have for my family and my friends. I only hope that I've shown them how much I love them and how much they mean to me....
• My family is more important to me then anything in this world. I want to watch them grow up and be there for them in everything they do. I hope I can be there for them in their times of distress and need.

My mom :)

My dad :)

My brother :) (and Emma too!)

And especially my own family.

My children and John...

With every ounce of my being I love all of you.

I'm learning now to enjoy these times of reflection. They help me to understand how blessed I am to have all of you in my life. It's not called "grief" to me any more but awareness. I look to these memories with the hope that they will continually remind me of this love. I suppose that if it weren't for death.... how would we understand life?

Love and hugs to all :-)

BEAUTIFUL....

I absolutely LOVE both of these songs and hearing this video is one of the prettiest things I've ever heard!

My recommendations:

1. Start the video.

2. Disregard all the bad you have heard about both these songs.

3. Close your eyes while listening.

4. Enjoy it.

5. Listen to why he wrote the video afterwards.

Check Jon Schmidt out too.... he has other awesome songs as well.

Well call me Martha....

• Hey all :)

• No TMI post for me today.... sorry!

• BUT....

• I do have a lot of picutres of what we've been up to around these parts lately!

• Miss Kayla had a birthday! She is now 12 (scary right?) and we had an awesome cook out for her.... Had some issues with the cake tho... as in I BURNED 48 cupcakes! (Seriously??? I know how to bake! I think my oven is a tad screwy)

• So even tho me and WalMart are not the best of friends.... they did rescue me with a plain cake the day of her birthday... I did the final icing job and Kayla loved it! (It was her pick for the skull :o)

• AND.... I LEARNED TO SEW!!!!
• My friend Sarah and I took a short sewing class and so far I've tackled a few projects :-) My first one was this messenger bag.... I still have to stitch the handles onto the bag but I'm rather proud!

• Second... I bought this really cool old banana box at a garage sale... circa 1920's-1940's..... but the inside looked like crapola!

• So I thought about it for a minute....

• And made a cool liner for it!

• Now it's my "sewing box" :-) It's large enough to hold all my little sewing projects in and sturdy enough to carry all my stuff from my crafty area to the dining room table where I work :-)

• Also... it's GARDEN TIME again! Woot! We bought 32 bags of manure compost and finally tilled it into the garden :) The kids were strangely in love with playing in this stuff.... Weird. My kids are just weird. :)

• We'll be planting this weekend and so far the list includes: 4 types of tomatoes, 3 types of peppers, green beans, cabbage, broccoli, carrots, radishes, cucumber, and zucchini.... I think that's all... I might have missed one but yummo! I'm excited!

• Lastly.... I captured some adorable pics of Zane last night and had to put them on here.... I kinda love my little red head :)

• Well... all done for now :) Little side note tho.... John and I had this whole conversation about blogging the other night and how it can be very masturbatory. I also just realized this whole post is that way.... but isn't that the point of blogs? At least a little :) Gotta toot my own horn from time to time or life is boring!

• Good day everyone!