The New Year

(picture by John Lang)

2009 was a great and challenging year here.... Still trying to figure out what or who I am, who I am with my new husband, and what path my family will be traveling down.... but I am ready to embrace 2010.

In the coming year, I'll be turning 30, my boys will ALL be out of daycare, family vacations will be had, and our lives will keep progressing towards our goals we are still carving into stone....

But I'm not making any resolutions.

I'm not going to promise to myself to quit smoking, diet more, raise my children better, or any other such nonsense that if I don't succeed in, will lead to dissappointment.

Instead, I want to embrace all of my thoughts for the past year and how they relate to the year ahead...

I stumbled upon this writing and I think it defines my thoughts, goals, desires, and needs perfectly....

Enjoy, and I hope you find some meaning in it as well...

Happy New Year everyone :)

(I have taken this from another website and edited it, if you want to read the whole thing, click on the title)

"The Awakening
Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH!" And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.

..........This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You realize that much of who you are and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about :

- how you should look and how much you should weigh
- what you should wear and where you should shop
- where you should live or what type of car you should drive
- who you should sleep with and how you should behave
- who you should marry and why you should stay
- the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect ,and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions.


You stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer, hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. And you recognize the importance of creating and contributing rather than obtaining and accumulating.

Then you discover that it is truly in giving that we receive, and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving.

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships.

And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through... and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns - anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say "I was wrong" and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture.

And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace.

Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say no. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships, and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given.

And you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet your standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely and you begin to discover the joy of spending time with yourself and on yourself. Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know - Self Love.

So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. And so it comes to pass that, now, all new things are possible."

I started another blog....

I started a new blog my peeps! (I'm still blogging here but this is in addition) It's more of a blog so I can keep track of the knitting and crafts we do around here.... If you're an avid knitter, crafter, or just plain bored.... CHECK IT OUT!!!!!

ZAKIZZANE'S KNITS (AND CRAFTS....)

Rough Day... need a few laughs...

Lately, it's definintly the kids that are making me laugh.... just a quick blurb... here's some of the funnies I've been over hearing and have been a part of:

***********



Izeah: "Oh No! I got paint on my pants!"



Zane: "That's OK Izeah, sometimes I pee my pants too...."



Izeah: "Zane, I said paint."



***********



Zane: "Mommy. I need to ask you something.... Tomorrow when the sun comes out, and I wake up, and I get a shirt on, and I get pants out, and I take a nap later, and when I get up, and when I play, and when I get dressed.... mommy..... do we have school tomorrow?"



Me (after spending 2 minutes listening): "No Zane. You don't have school tomorrow."



:) :) :)



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John: "I didn't get a cool toy for Christmas."



Me: "Yes you did, you have your penis.... and it IS your favorite toy!"



(Sorry, I think it's funny.... but maybe some don't! lol)



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Izeah: "Mom.... I'm NOT going to tell you that I got you an angel and a heart for you for Christmas.... I'm NOT."



***********



Ok..... there's 4. I have to think for more and if I remember some, I'll keep em for the next round of funnies :)



Merry Christmas everyone!



Dana

I am rather angry at my car....

I have had a pretty tough time with my car in the past years...

SOOOOOOO....
I'm done. I'm done dealing with this car.

I sent the following email to the top 40 executives at Ford Motor Company. I immediately received 20 "non-delivery" messages, but that's still 20 good ones! So, here is my email....


To whom it may concern,

Hello. My name is Dana Linze.

My husband purchased a 2005 Ford Freestyle in June of 2005. He purchased this vehicle from Reynolds Ford Motor Co. located in East Moline, IL. After his early passing, I now have the car and have to say that I am furious with every aspect of the car, the mechanics, and, at times, the service I have received with car problems.

The list of problems with this car is extensive. Let me inform you a bit.

1. The car is front wheel drive. At 2.5 years old, I had to pay out of pocket to have the BACK rotors replaced as they were completely ground through due to the BACK brake pads wearing out early. At the time, my front brake pads still had 50% life left. Now, I'm not a mechanic, however common sense tells me that if a car relies on the front breaks for breaking action, why would the back breaks wear so thin so fast? Now I know that there was a problem with this in the 2005-2007 model Freestyles and thankfully, I saved my receipt and was able to be reimbursed for the first set of rotors I replaced. However, I was NEVER notified of this, I had to find this out through another Ford Freestyle owner who had the same problems. I was also not told one single intelligent or explainable reason as to why this happened, nor was I compensated for the time, and effort I had to personally put into having the rotors replaced. Now, at approx. 62,000 miles, will they need replacing again soon?

2. At 30,000 miles, I had a problem with the throttle body. Thankfully in this situation, my car was still under the standard warranty and the throttle body was replaced at Reynolds Motor Company.

3. At 60,000 miles, my CVT transmission was bad. Not fixable at all. I took my car to 2 different auto shops in my area and was told that since the transmission was a CVT transmission, I would have to take it to a Ford Dealership. In going to Reynolds Motor Company, I was informed that it would cost me $6,000.00 to replace my transmission. Now, at the time, I still owed $12,000 on this car and had 1.5 years left to the life of the loan. Being told I have to put $6,000.00 into a car that I am still paying $477.00 a month to drive is absolutely INFURIATING to discover. In this particular situation, I contacted a lemon lawyer, and requested all documentation of repairs and service from Reynolds Motor. As soon as this action was taken, a used transmission became available. Reynold's attempted to work with me by providing a rental car for no charge for the time my car was not driveable. They also wrote off anything over $2000.00 dollars (which I do believe totalled approx. $500). I am deeply appreciative to Mike Grems in particular for helping me in this situation. He went above and beyond his job title to help me in this situation.

HOWEVER, I am also rather intelligent and to have a transmission go bad at 60,000 miles is a problem. I have done some research and have also discovered that General Motors had a similar problem with their CVT transmissions, and a class action lawsuit was won for Saturn owners with this problem. (http://www.topix.com/forum/autos/THFO3AH3O3MV3A8P9) I also am an avid reader of many car forums located by a simple internet search and right now, there is ample proof by way of many forums that prove there are many others out there with this same problem involving these particular CVT transmissions.

I chose to not pursue this matter at the time since the dealership was more then helpful, however listing other problems, I have reconsidered talking to a lawyer again.

4. There was a recall issued on the Freestyle for faulty door latches. (http://www-odi.nhtsa.dot.gov/recalls/results.cfm) My car was "fixed" under this recall as shown by records kept at Reynolds Ford. Last winter, the latches started to not work again. As a matter of fact, I discovered this WHILE DRIVING MY THREE CHILDREN TO SCHOOL. I called Reynolds and they advised me to bring the car in. I drove 20 minutes to bring the car in, once I arrived, the car had warmed up, and the latches were working once again. I was told there was nothing that could be done so I needed to leave. I continued to press further and went into the office to complain. My complaint was met. The dealership lubed up the latches and sent me on my way.

This year (as of TODAY) the latches are freezing up again. Yesterday, I drove ten miles home from my place of employment with my ARM outside the open window holding my car door shut, in freezing temperatures none the less. This morning, I called another local dealership, Dahl Ford located in Davenport, IA. (I refuse to use Reynolds Motor Company in regards to this situation as I was treated in an extremely rude manner the last time) They lubed up my locks ONCE AGAIN and I am now currently driving my vehicle again.

This is a HUGE problem for me. There is absolutely NO REASON I can reasonably think of to have to go into a dealership each time the temperature falls below freezing to have my door latches repeatedly lubricated. It is also a HUGE problem for me as a mother of FOUR children now. While the car is in motion, one of these doors could open. My children always wear a seat belt but that is no conciliation for the fear I have that one of my children could fall out of a MOVING VEHICLE. If this scenario were to ever happen, I would be personally holding Ford Motor Company responsible.

That sums up some of the major defects I have recently had with this particular car. I have failed to mention that I have owned other Ford vehicles and have had problems with them as well.

I am writing you this letter in the hopes that you will personally respond to my situation. Replacing the car, compensating monetarily, contacting any local dealership to have my door locks replaced, all of these are very viable options in your response.

I would also like a response within a timely fashion. If I have not received a response with in 5 business days, I will be taking the following action:

1. I will be contacting a lemon lawyer to pursue action against Ford Motor Company.
2. I will contact the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration with these defects and file a complaint in regards to the safety of this vehicle.
3. I will inform Consumerist.com of the many problems with my vehicle in hopes that they will publish this story, this letter, and your response to this situation on a nationally recognized consumer website.
4. I will personally see to it that I post a public blog, contact any local media, and utilize all social networking sites I am a member of to relay once again these problems, this letter of complaint, and your response as a company to my problems.

When safety is an issue, in regards to my children, I take this matter very seriously. I have ample amounts of time and money to pursue this situation.

I eagerly await your response to this matter.

Sincerely,
Dana Linze

Anyone out there care to add to this email? I have plenty of email addresses if you need them....

I. WANT. TO. SCREAM.

AT MY CHILDREN!

So I will write a blog instead because they have heard enough of my yelling today I'm sure of it.

I love my children but MAN..... they have done lost their F*in' minds lately!

Don't believe me? Let me share some exhibits:

A. Zane and Izeah where playing sword fight in the dining room with vacuum cleaner attachments (even though we have told them a thousand times to not do this) and they cracked our flat screen computer monitor.

B. They thought it would be funny to tear down the shower curtain at shower time. I managed to rig it back up until I could get a new one and what did they do? They SNUCK OUT OF BED to RIP IT DOWN AGAIN.

C. Izeah and Zane have both cut, torn and ripped the strings out of their window blinds.

D. Zak straight up ripped a book IN HALF!

E. I try to give them art supplies to play with and what did they do? They colored on the couch, the dining room table, and the walls.

I'm sure there's more over the last couple of months but these are some pretty big ones.

And I KNOW that boys will be boys, and kids will be kids.... but there HAS to be a limit SOMEWHERE.

And that limit finally has hit the fan as of today.

Mommy and Johnny are DONE. For our own sanity and for the health of our children, we are done being Mr. and Mrs. Nice Guy.

Sooooooo.... we have a small game plan.

On Saturday morning, we are taking all 3 boys to the bank. We are going to tell them that they can each take $10 out of savings because we are going to the store... (they'll think they get to buy toys) BUT when we get there.... Izeah will buy a new set of window blinds... Zane will buy a new set of window blinds.... and Zakari will buy a set of hangers for all the one's he thinks it's funny to break in half to get his clothes off of them. Then with the extra money, we are going to buy some poster boards and make personal little "rule posters" for each of their rooms.

These rules are going to fall under 3 categories.... (thanks Nina!)

1. Respect Yourself.

2. Respect Others.

3. Respect Your Environment. (and this includes all material things... like no peeing on the floor around the toilet cause you feel like it, or no breaking hangers, no ripping up coloring books because it's fun, etc.)

Think it'll work???

Anyone else have big moments like these? Where it just frustrates you to the point of exhaustion???

Wish us luck! :)

Beanie Mania!

Yep, it's the next knitting project around here!

John needed a new winter beanie, then Zak wanted one, then Kayla, then Izeah, and finally Zane... so here we go a knitting :)

I was going to wait until they were all finished and take a picture of all the kids together BUT, I've been so excited about them as I'm finishing them that I'm just going to post a few here and now!

Stay tuned for the finished pics!

John's Tree Beanie

This actually Zak's but he was sleeping :) Big Cardinals fan!

Eco-Check List

I wrote a post awhile back about getting ourselves back on this sustainable living kick. I had read the book "No Impact Man" and totally got myself into a "I can do BETTER" kind of attitude! Almost to the point of purely overwhelming myself actually...

Then talking with my friend Nina (who always helps shed new light on my dilemma's) she pointed out something (see? new light...)... she said, "I bet you're more eco-friendly then you realize!"

Wow! What an idea! (and a quite simple one too might I add....)

So, of course, I ran my little butt to the library and over the course of the last month, I've been reading, learning, observing, etc. Until I checked out this book:

Now I'm still reading it and it's a little dry and I DON'T like all the ad plugs in it but going over all the ways in our lives of how eco-friendly we are, I started feeling like Hey! I'm not really doing a bad job! So I've composed a little list here of things I am doing and methods we are living by to help my own sense of self worth and to remind me that I AM living more eco-friendly then I think we are.... here we go! (In no particular order.... just as they pop into my head!)

1. We compost our fruit and veggie scraps.

2. We recycle. (And because of these 2 things, we've reduced our trash by 50-75%!)

3. We have a deep freeze. Which we use to freeze leftover dinners/food/veggies/meat, which means less waste.

4. We have a garden every year which produces most of our vegetables in the spring and summer.

5. We clean our house (most of the time) with vinegar/water/essential oils mix.

6. We re-use a lot of our glass and plastic jars that once housed food items.

7. We keep our thermostat low in the winter and use our fireplace as much as we can.

8. We make our own firestarter's for our fireplace. No expensive firestarter logs in this house! Just a little dryer lint, recycled newspaper, and paraffin wax.

9. We keep the air conditioning off for 90% of the summer and just sweat it out!

10. We by far less toys for our children then most parents. We substitute with books, games, trips, and experiences.

11. We drink our own coffee at home. (Really, think how much waste and energy is generated by all the little coffee shops!)

12. We have Netflix. Which means we don't buy most of our movies. Less waste.

13. We have ipods/computers for our music needs. No more cd's. (Thanks John ;)

14. We have LED lightbulbs.... or candles!

15. We bring our own bags to the grocery store.

16. We use the library.... ALOT.

17. I hardly ever buy NEW clothes. I prefer vintage, salvation army, goodwill, garage sales, or home made any day of the week!

18. I mend clothing. If it's not mendable, I try to think of a way to use it up in a different way before disposing of it.

19. We belong to 2 freecycle groups, craigslist, etsy, ebay.... all good ways to reduce, reuse, and recycle!

20. We educate our kids on the importance of the environment.

21. I have an IUD. (again with the SERIOUSLY.... many many many birth control methods are harmful by way of pharmaceuticals and waste.)

22. If something breaks, we attempt to fix it before we buy something new. We also scout for used versions of what broke before we buy a brand new item.

23. If an item only has one use in the kitchen, then it's NOT in our kitchen (ok, it's not in our kitchen ANYMORE, like we still have all the crap from before we changed ourselves... but no new "one purpose" kitchen machines). I wanted a bread machine... John said NOPE. We're going to learn how to make our own bread in the oven we already have... love you babe :)

24. I knit. This can provide a TON of things we take for granted (wash cloths, hats, socks, etc)

25. I have recently started FROGGING and knitting! See pictures!

I paid $3.00 for this sweater....

I got all this yarn from it....

And I've made this scarf for a friend... and still have 3 out of 4 balls left!

26. We use NORMAL hand soap. No anti-bacterial soaps here. Germs are GOOD for the body and those soaps are BAD for the environment.

27. Our kids take showers. (Less water waste then bath's)

28. We re-wear clothing. TRUST ME, it's not always dirty after ONE wearing.

29. We use cold water to wash our clothing.

30. I TRY to hang dry clothing (when the weather cooperates and I have the time to watch and make sure it's not stolen...)

31. We try herbal remedies before we run for the drugs.

32. We drink tap water. Not bottled water.

33. We try to walk more, not drive more.

34. We take our vitamin's. (Optimum health= less sickness= less doctor visits= less chemicals in our bodies= less chemicals in the environment)

35. We are paying cash for most everything now. How is this eco-friendly? Well, using my debit card I know I was consuming WAY more then I needed. Paying cash halps me THINK about what I'm buying before I do!

36. Our bills are paid online.

37. When we like certain foods, we learn how to cook ethnically, not run to the nearest restaurant!

38. We turn off the water when we're brushing our teach.

39. Still working on sewing... gotta get back on that!

40. And most important of all... we try to help educate others of the importance of the earth and our bodies.... not pushy, just nice suggestions :)

And for giggles, here is a few of the things we're working on:

1. Buying food locally.
2. Consuming less meat, and the meat we do consume, have it come from farm raised animals, locally.
3. Re-usable snack packs for the kids.
4. I'm making cloth napkins to rid ourselves of papertowels, paper napkins, etc.
5. Home made Christmas presents!
   

So what do you do to live more eco-friendly? I bet if we all looked around, we would discover some hidden ways we are practicing a more eco-friendly life style... make a list! Leave me a comment if you do make a list on your blog... I like new ideas! :)

Toe, Christmas, Stuff....

Well.... not so much in that order but wow.... we've been rockin around here! This is a total random thoughts kind of posting!

Status:
Mom-- Hoe Toe, cold, cold sore
Zakari-- cold, cough
Izeah-- cold, cough, SNOT
Zane-- *see Izeah plus cold sore
Kayla-- cold, cough
John-- NOTHING. BIG FAT NOTHING. What the shit is he doing right that I'm doing all wrong????? ;-)

*********************

IT's DECEMBER!

Good lord, Christmas is almost here!

Thoughts on Christmas:
I'm not really feeling it this year.... I'll get there though... think it has something to do with the fact that I'm waiting until this next weekend to decorate... as soon as those are up, should be all good in the hood....

But yet I am so happy that I've turned a little ANTI-consumerist this year... I tried to go to the mall the day after Thanksgiving and honestly, not much appealled to me! I personally think that's AWESOME. I've been knitting up a fool storm to work on some home-made gifts for peeps (can't say what they are because some of these peeps actually read this blog!)

Kids are awesome too for this Christmas. I've told some people but now I'm announcing it to the world... we are NOT DOING CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR AT THIS HOUSE. well.... kinda. We discussed with all the kids that Santa will TOTALLY give us money to go to Florida instead of presents and they all agreed :) Santa is pretty cool, huh? They all know that they get most everything they need in the way of presents from other family and friends.... we are still going to have a *few* wrapped presents under the tree for them from Mom and John, but Santa gets to rest when it comes to our house this year! :)

I think we are also going to clean out the "toy closet" too... see, every year, they get SO many toys that we put some up in an unused closet. Brand new, still in the box. (Yes, we're probably considered mean parents by some standards) This year, I'm thinking each child is going to pick out 2 toys and pick a person/organization/group to donate them to... and I'm going to let each child do the donating. It's time I think that they can understand that Christmas is NOT about receiving.... but GIVING. Wish me luck! (I have a feeling it may be a bit of a challenge for Izeah and Zaney) :)

*******************

Toe Update:

I promised a few people that I would update with some more (gross) pics to document the healing time... Here's a pic from this morning right after my soak....

DAY 6

I've noticed a little redness in the left lower corner of the nail bed and it's bothering me a tad so I've put a call in to the doc to see if I should just keep watching it or go in for a check up... I'm allergic to QUITE a few antibiotics so if I can manage to stop an infection before it spreads and I need antibiotics, well, that's EXACTLY what I intend to do! Still soaking twice a day (I opted for antibacterial soapy soaks instead of epsom salt... shit BURNS), letting air at night, and of course gaurding the toe with my LIFE. :)

K... off to run 5000 errands in bout 1.5 hours... coffee.... need more coffee....
Peace,
Dana

(Zane took this picture.... not to bad huh? :) He's so funny....)

P.S. If you want some funnies.... Check these out... it was GREAT for a laugh! My favorites:

**Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

**I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

**How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

**The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

**A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

**Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart,” all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart.”

**I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

**MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

**I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

**Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem....

**You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

**Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

**There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

**Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

**Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

**I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.